What mental disorder is yours? ///// Koji je tvoj mentalni poremećaj?

Month number 7, Task 1

Sećam se da sam u vreme studiranja dok sam spremala ispit iz psihopatologije, imala male "krizice", jer sam se pronalazila u simptomima mnogih mentalnih poremećaja, pa sam se plašila da ću jednog dana samo kliknuti i ćao :)

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I remember that while as a student I was preparing the exam from psychopathology, I had little crisis, for finding myself in symptoms of many mental disorders, and therefore for fearing that one day I`ll just "click" and then: bye bye :)

Onda mi je bilo malo lakše, jer sam shvatila da nisam jedina koja je tako razmišljala. Kada smo svi (studenti na tom predmetu) postali svesni da nećemo biti sami u tom ludilu, čak i ako se jednog dana dogodi, počeli smo da se šalimo sa tim stvarima i da igramo igrice tipa "kada bih jednog dana "skrenula", koji bi to poremećaj bio?". Prvo sam tipovala na maničnu depresiju, jer nekad zaista iz kraćeg depresivnog stanja, kao da naglo skliznem u maničnu fazu. Onda sam shvatila da je to uglavnom u vreme PMSa, kada me hormoni i inače piče. I tu nisam bila jedina, pa sam ovo otpisala kao nešto od čega ja mogu da patim :)

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Then, I felt a bit easier when I realized that I was not the only one who was thinking like that. When all of us students became aware that we`ll not be the only ones in that craziness, even if it comes one day,  we started to make jokes with that stuff and to play games like "if one day I go astray, what would that disorder be?". At first, my favourite was manic depression, cause sometimes really it`s like I`m suddenly slipping from a short depression phase, straight into a manic phase. Then I realized that it`s usually during the PMS, when I tend to cry either way, and then simply start to laugh. I was not the only one in this problem, so I gave up on this as something from which I could suffer :)

Onda sam se usmerila na čistu depresiju. Mislila sam "Bože, ako sam sad ovako na sve strane, sa svima, za sve tu, istrošiću se. Izgubiću volju za životom..". Prošlo je dosta vremena od tada, nisam se istrošila, već sam samo postavila neka ograničenja, i izbacila kradljivce energije. Uf, dobro je. Izgleda da neću imati ni depresiju :)

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Then I was directed on basic depression. I was thinking "God, if now I`m this much on all sides, with everybody, for everybody. I`ll force myself, and get tired eventually. I`ll lost a lust for life..." Long time has passed from then, and I haven`t got tired. I have just put some limitations and got rid of energy stealers. Uuuugh, it`s ok. It seems that I won`t suffer from depression too :)

I tako sam ja položila taj predmet, i prestala da razmišljam o eventualnom svom "oboljevanju" u budućnosti. A nisam ni primetila da ja sve vreme imam neke "čudne navike", totalno drugačije od onih kojih sam se pribojavala. O čemu se radi? Naime, skoro sam zaključila da sam po pitanju nekih stvari pomalo opsesivno-kompulzivna. Sada se ne bojim da će to značiti da "ludim", ali zaista lako postanem napeta kada su neke stvari u pitanju. Na primer, sve stvari u kući moraju da su na svom mestu. U mojoj kući se usisava i briše prašina maksimalno jednom nedeljno. Nisam opterećena time da uzaludno brišem prašinu svakog dana, kada ionako odmah padne ponovo. Ali, svaka stvar mora da je na svom mestu. Od malih ukrasa, do jastuka, odeće i slično. Sve ima svoj ugao, položaj, i to ne volim puno da menjam. Ovo je za mene dobro (jer odmah znam kada je neko nešto uzimao, pomerao), ali nisam sigurna koliko je dobro za mog momka?! :) 

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And so I passed this exam, and stopped thinking about a possible going astray in the future. And I didn`t notice that all the time I had some strange habits, totally different from the ones I was afraid of. What is it about? I recently have concluded that about some things I`m a bit obsessive compulsive. Now I`m not afraid that it will make me "go crazy", but I really can get so tense when some things are in question. For example, all the things in my flat has their own place. I`m not obessed to dust or vacuum every day, cause it got no use - the dust will fall immediately either way. However, every object in the room has to be in its own place. All the time. From small decorations, to pillow, clothes, etc. Everything has its own angle, position, and I don`t like to change that much. This is good for me (cause I can easily notice if something is moved, touched), but I`m not sure how good it is for my boyfriend?!  :)

A kada vidim sliku da krivo stoji! Ajooojj.. Neka sam i u nekoj čekaonici, među ljudima, ali ako vidim da slika stoji krivo, odmah prilazim da je namestim. Neoprani sudovi mi bodu oči. A tek nenamešten krevet! A imam i neke rituale, koji bi se mogli podvesti pod ovu temu. Recimo kad sam bila mlađa, prekrivala sam se ćebetom koje je imalo naslikanog princa i princezu. Nisam mogla da zaspim ako me je mama pokrila tako da oni stoje naopačke. Onda ja lepo ustanem i okrenem ćebe tako da su i njihove glave u pravcu moje. Inače, i sve ostalo naravno mora da bude namešteno za spavanje. Svetlo ugašeno, a tv pogotovo. Ne d`o Bog da vrata ostanu otvorena. Onda ću se cele noći buditi i gledati da li me neko gleda dok spavam. Ili ću imati osećaj kao da će sat da zvoni svake sekunde, pa neću ni spavati kako treba.

Još nisam počela da skupljam stvari kao oni skupljači sa televizije, ali nije baš i da sam sklona bacanju, hihihi

Ne znam više da li bih ovo sve uopšte i nazvala O.K. ili je to samo moja želja za kontrolom i perfekcionizmom....

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And when I see a painting on the wall that is not hanged straight. Oh my God! Even if I`m in a waiting room, among people, if I see the picture not hanged straight, I immediately approach it and put it in a "proper" position. Dirty dishes also bother me. And messy bed! I don`t even want to begin with it. And I have some rituals also, which could be put under this topic. For example, when I was younger, I had a blanket with a prince and a princess. I couldn`t fall asleep if my Mom covered me so that the prince and princess are not turned right. Then I just get up, turn the blanket so that the heads on the blanket are in my direction, and only then I could sleep. Of course, everything else has to be prepared for the sleeping too. The light is turned off, and the tv - I don`t even want to mention. And God don`t let the door stay open! Then I would wake up every minute to check whether someone is watching me while I`m sleeping. Or I would have a feeling that the clock will ring every moment, so I won`t sleep right.

I still haven`t start hoarding like the people from the tv, but when I think about it, I also don`t like to throw things away, hihihihi

I don`t even know whether to call all this O.K., or is it just my tendency to control things or pefectionism...

U svakom slučaju, sad mi je jasno zašto me moji prijatelji porede sa Monikom Geler iz Friends-a :) I nije mom momku lako sa mnom...

A kada bi se kod vas "otkačio" neki mentalni poremećaj, koji bi to bio? :)

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Anyway, now I`m clear with the reasons why my friends compare me with Monica Geller from Friends :) And to my boyfriend is not easy with me, at all...

Which would be your mental disorder? :)