Saturday, October 27, 2012

People and conflicts //////////// Ljudi i konflikti

Month number 7, Task 6

... ili tačnije: ljudi i izbegavanje konflikata. Nešto što mislim da me najviše nervira kod ljudi je kada kažu rečenice tipa: "Bolje da ćutim (da ne govorim šta mislim), da ne bih upala u konflikt. Ne volim da se prepirem!".

Ne znam odakle da krenem sa objašnjavanjem koliko je ovakav stav pogrešan... Prvo, zar nije razmena mišljenja/dijalog ono što čini osnovu neke zdrave komunikacije?! Mislim, ja volim puno da pričam, ali najviše mrzim kada postavljam pitanja, podstičem razgovor, pa ipak odem kući sa utiskom da sam udavila i samu sebe, a kamoli ćutljivog i mutavog sagovornika. Monolozi nikome ne prijaju!

Pa ti neodređeno odgovaraju, a ti si npr. u problemu i treba ti reakcija, bilo kakva. Ufff...

Pored ovih, postoje i ljudi koji ni nemaju svoje mišljenje, i koji podilaze sagovorniku i njegovom stavu, samo da se ne bi sukobili. Zaista ne znam šta je od ta dva gore?! Pa ti u početku možda i prija takvo ponašanje sagovornika jer misliš kako si u pravu za sve što si pričao, ali kad shvatiš da je svo vreme u stvari tebi podilazio i nije iznosio svoje mišljenje, onda se zapitaš: da li vredi bilo šta od onoga što sam rekao?!

Zašto bi razmena čak i suprotnih mišljenja uvek morala da se završi konfliktom? Vrlo često ti samo možeš bolje upoznati tu drugu osobu, ili barem produbiti neka svoja funkcionalna uverenja!

Da vam pravo kažem, ja više volim ljude koji ovako izbegavaju konflikte, nego one koji vas kao slušaju, ali se ne izjašanjavaju:

///////

... or, to be more precise: people and avoiding of conflicts. Something that I think irritates me the most is when people say something like: "I better keep my mouth shut (not share my opinion), so that I could not get into a conflict. I don`t like to get into a fight!".

I mean, I don`t know where to start with explaining of how this kind of thinking is wrong. First, isn`t the exchange of opinion/the dialogue something that is the basis of healthy communication with others? I mean, I love to talk a lot sometimes, but the thing that I resent most is when I go home with the impression that I have suffocated myself with the talking, and not just the quiet and numb interlocutor. Nobody likes monologues!

And then, when they are vaguely answering, and you are in a problem and really need a feedback. Any feedback! Arghhhh...

Beside these people, there are those who even don`t have their opinion, but rather say and think what you are thinking, only not to get in conflict. I really don`t know what is worse from these two?! And with this letter you maybe are enjoying in the start, when you have a feeling that you are right with everything you say. However, when you realize that all the time the other party was outflanking and wasn`t giving his/her opinion, you really wonder: is it worth anything that I have said?!

Why does everything that we say have to result with a conflict? Very often you can just get to know other person better, or at least to deepen your functional beliefs.

To be honest, I prefer people who avoid conflicts this way, rather than the ones who are listening to you sober, and not giving any feedback:


Jer sve ove prethodno opisane ja svrstavam u grupu ljudi popularno znanih kao "nit` smrdi nit` miriše", a tih se najviše treba kloniti.

Ja mislim da konflikti nekad mogu biti i konstruktivni, ako mi odlučimo da ih kao takve vidimo. I da izvučemo neke zaključke iz njih.

I ne zaboravite: nije eventualan sukob mišljenja ono što treba da izbegavate. U pitanju je nešto drugo:

///////////////

Because, all the previously described people I put in a category of the people know as "neither stinks, neither smells good (direct translation for Serbian saying)", and from those one should get away the most.

I think that conflicts sometimes can also be constructive, only if we decide to see them as such. And to get some conclusions from them.

And don`t forget: it`s not a conflict of opinions the thing that you should avoid. It`s something else:


I zato, bolje radite na svojoj neverbalnoj i asertivnoj komunikaciji, nego što izbegavate razmenu mišljenja!

Ostajte mi dobro i nemojte ćutati :)

/////

That`s why you should better work on your non-verbal and assertive communication more, rather that on avoiding the exchange of opinion!

Stay well and better not keep your mouth shut :)

19 comments:

  1. U POTPUNOSTI SE SLAZEM SA TOBOM :)))

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ja volim dinamične rasprave u kojima svako stoji na svojoj strani, pa čak i ako se dogodi konflikt u smislu nepodudaranja mišljenja. Ali kada je svaki argument na mestu, kada nema dizanja tona već je sve nekako kao prijateljsko ćaskanje i naravno, kada nema vređanja. Ponekad se desi da čovek promeni stav ako mu suprotna strana na lep način 'otvori oči' svojim argumentima.. volim takve debate, jer me inspirišu i teraju na razmišljanje. A ono što ne voli, jeste svakako kada nekome nešto pričam, a taj samo mutavo ćuti i čeka da završim sa svojim izlaganjem kako bi prešli na neku drugu temu.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You touch on a very important topic of communication here that I think many people fail to realize. Having grown up in a family that communicated very emotionally (yelling and screaming all the time) I had real difficulty in communicating as a young adult. It took many years for me to realize that when trying to communicate, my tone of voice (and even facial expressions), prevented me from helping the other person to understand and see my perspective, whether they agreed with it or not.

    Tone is such a huge part of communication. Like body language, it is one of the main ways (in my opinion), that we sense the emotion of the person speaking with us. If their tone expresses anger or defensiveness, then we respond by becoming defensive as well, which rarely if ever results in a productive discussion.

    Thank you so much for linking up with Thirsty for Comments Thursday. I look forward to seeing you visit with us again.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I couldn`t agree more. Non verbal communication is the most important one, and it`s the most important one to work on. Me myself have sometimes problems with that. However, we are learning every day ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Baš mi je prijalo što naiđoh na ovaj tvoj post.Zanimljiva mi je tema-ljudska komunikacija,i vrlo često se njome u svojim mislima bavim.
    Uglavnom se slažem s tvojim mišljenjem.
    Međutim,primetila sam da se moje mišljenje tokom godina menjalo(sazrevalo).Mnogo je ljudi koji na verbalno-agresivan način žele pošto-poto da nametnu svoje mišljenje(pri tome su ubeđeni da o svemu sve znaju!).Nažalost,takvih je danas sve više,o svemu imaju stav od koga ne odustaju,iako možda postoje argumenti koji bi trebalo da ih pokolebaju...Uglavnom,sa nekim zrelijim godinama ja sam zaključila da je ipak bitno dobro izabrati sagovornika,"namirisati" da li je konfliktan u komunikaciji..pa izbeći dijlog koliko je moguće.Ne,nisam pesimistična,i ne vidim samo sivilo u ljudskim odnosima.Naprotiv,mnogo volim da pričam,a ipak zastupam stav da je nekada-ćutanje zlato.Valjda to ide s godinama,volim da čuvam energiju za pozitivnosti svih oblika.
    Veliki pozdrav

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitivno! Ja takodje nisam za dijalog po bilo koju cenu - sa ljudima sa kojima vidis da on nece imati svrhu, bolje je cutati. Ali, kada je u pitanju tema koja se tebe tice, sa ljudima koje poznajes, a ti biras da budes mutav i bez reakcija - e to je vec druga prica :)

      Delete
  6. Uh koja tema!!Ja sam ta koja puno prica i samo mogu naci nove teme za komunikaciju.Kod mene nema da cu cutati ili presutiti neko nesto, ja uvek moras sve da "rascistim" jer nikada ne bi imala mira.
    Znalo mi se desiti tako nekada sa nekim, da neko hoce da bude neutralan i da se pravi lud, kada se desi neki nesporazum i posle toga se klonim takvih ljudi, jer ne razumem zasto je tesko reci svoje misljenja ili stati na neciju stranu.
    Kod mene se uvek sve mora znati, ja dokle ne isteram pravdu, ne mogu da se smirim i u satnju sam da se prepirem do neiznemoglosti!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Tone of voice says so much, and I for one am very in tune with that. Actually make things hard sometimes. Just pinned the ecard about ton above.

    Thanks for sharing with my NO RULES Weekend Blog Party :)

    Paula
    lifeasweknowitbypaula.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is a good post. I like the pictures too, the first one made me laugh and the last one is oooooooooooooooooh so true. Tone of voice can really put things off to a wrongs start.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I suppose that is why i cannot talk about this election in the USA..i am so interested in how people came to their decision on who they are voting for...but they get so angry just thinking about the whole election!! so the weather seems a safe and constant topic instead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. Political parties support and for/against gays are the topics I like to avoid,because from the beginning those discussions lead to disaster,and they have no point. Only passion and emotions will get on fire,for no reason....

      Delete
    2. Exactly. Political parties support and for/against gays are the topics I like to avoid,because from the beginning those discussions lead to disaster,and they have no point. Only passion and emotions will get on fire,for no reason....

      Delete
  10. Hello Aleksandra! Thanks for joining Nice to Meet You {GFC Blog Hop}! Hope to see you linking up again next week ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I believe that Conflicts occur mainly because we have different personalities. Although, I also agree with you that the tone of the voice and how we present a particular point of view also matters. But the first one matters most, according to me. It think that it is better to gauge/understand the temperament/personality type of the person first and then talk with him in a way that suits his understanding capacity the most...I know it is a difficult task...why should we take the pain...but it is worth it...Another way is to simply be silent and be a listener...this way...we can avoid conflicts...
    Yet the fun goes away if we are afraid to speak -fearing conflict each time we open our mouth...But at the end, I have noticed that similar thinking people seldom have conflicts in communication..it happens mostly when we converse with different personality types...maybe that's why we choose our friends and stick to them and avoid people who are not like minded...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely it`s because of different personalities, or at elast different attitudes. It`s just that I hate when it`s about someone you hang out with, and you really need a feedback from him/her about something, and he/she is just mute. Sometimes it`s good to have different opinions - it`s good for growth of both people!

      Delete