I can`t wait to do this again, part 2 ///// Ne mogu da dočekam da ponovo to uradim, part 2

Month number 9, task 6

Part 1

Ona slatka repetitivnost radnji kad ste bili mali, koja vam uliva sigurnost i predstavlja ritual sam za sebe... Ritual kom se uvek rado vraćate! Ovo su još od nekih stvari koje sam volela da radim kad sam bila mala:

Da iznova ulazim u maminu ili bakinu kuhinju, pa da vidim šta to ima novo po fiokama...

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That sweet repetitiveness of your actions when you were little, which gives you the security and represents one specific ritual.. The ritual to which you are always glad to come back! These are some of the things I liked to do when I was little:

To get into mom`s or grandma`s kitchen over and over again, to see what`s new in the drawers...

Da nosim svoju figuricu-amajliju na sve bitne događaje, jer mi se sreća smeši samo kad je ona uz mene...

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To carry my lucky charm figurine with me to all big events, because luck was with me only when that figurine was...

Da izgrickam sve oko pomorandže, pa da onda najslađe ostavim za kraj...

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To eat everything around the orange part, and than to leave the sweetest for the end...

Da popijem penu iz maminog ili tatinog piva.. Ko bi rekao da ga danas tako neću voleti? :)

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To drink the foam from Mom`s or Dad`s beer.. Who would say that I don`t like beer that much now?

Da se uparadim za proslavu Nove godine, čak i ako ću je slaviti sa mamom i tatom i morati ići u krevet već oko 1h.

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To be all dressed up for the New Year`s Eve, even when I celebrate it with my Mom and Dad, and have to go to bed around 1h.

Da se sa sestrom glupiram dok se slikamo, uprkos svim naporima roditelja da ispoziramo.

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To make a fool of myself together with my sister while posing for the camera, in spite of all the effort of my parents to make us look serious.

Da jedem samo belo iz eurokrema...

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To eat only the white part...

No comment...

 

Koji si bili vaši rituali kad ste bili mali? ////////////// What were your rituals when you were young?

Sisters are a unique treasure!

Month number 9, Task 5

Kada sam ja rođena bila sam jedino dete u porodici. Pažena, mažena, centar sve pažnje.

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When I was born I was the only child in the family. Centre of all the attention, loved, caressed, spoiled.

A onda je posle jedno 2,5 godine mama u kuću donela jedan presladak, pre vremena rođen smotuljak. Rekli su da je to moja sestra i sada su malo od sve one pažnje polako počeli i ka njoj da usmeravaju. Imitirala sam ih, radila ono što i oni: mazila je, hranila, gledala je i smejuljila se na pokrete njenih milimetarskih ručica.

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And then one day, after about 2,5 years my Mom brought into the house one little sweet, prematurely born bundle. They said that it was my sister and now a little of all that attention they directed towards her. I was imitating them, doing all the things they did: hugged her, fed her, watched and smiled while she was moving her little hands.

 

No, nije bilo tako retko da uvatim priliku kada odrasli ne gledaju pa da joj stavim prst u oko, ili da je bacim na pod, onako svu nevinu i umotanu. Plakala sam posle znajući da sam uradila nešto zabranjeno, ali bilo je jače od mene. Posle je malo porasla, pa sam promenila taktiku: sada su morali i meni da daju sve što i njoj, da sa mnom rade sve što i sa njom. Ponovo sam počela da pijem mleko iz flašice, ako  krenu po krompir u podrum zajedno sa njom u rukama jer plače, odmah se i ja uvatim za drugu ruku.

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Anyway, not so rarely, I was catching the opportunity when the grown-ups weren`t watching, to put a finger in her eye, or to throw her on the floor, that little and innocent bundle. I was crying afterwards knowing that I did something wrong, but it was stronger than me. Then she grown a bit older, and I changed a tactic: they had to give me everything they were giving to her, had to do with me all the things they did to her. I started to drink milk from the baby bottle again, if they were to go to the basement for eg, the potato and were carrying her in the arms because she was crying, I was immediately catching the other hand.

 

Sestra je počela da izrasta u jedno jako milo i mirno stvorenje, koje se nije bunilo ni za šta, i uvek je čekala da ja prva biram, pa njoj šta ostane. Jedno vreme je čak plakala sva tužna što nije bila dečak, pa je tražila da je šišaju na kratko.

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My sister started to grown into one dear and caring girl, who wouldn`t mind anything, and was always waiting for me to choose first, and she was satisfied with the other thing left. In one period she was crying because she wasn`t born as a boy, so she wanted to have a boylike hair.

I ponekad nije mogla da dočeka da poraste, pa da doživi neke stvari kroz koje je njena starija sestra već prošla.

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And sometimes she couldn`t wait to grow up and to experience some of the things her older sister has already tried.

Onda je došla jedna duga faza kada smo se puno zajedno igrale i kada sam shvatala šta to znači imati sestru, šta znači ne biti sam.

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Than came one long phase when we were playing together and when I really became aware of what it means to have a sister, what it means not to be alone.

U svom pubertetu sam to ponekad zaboravljala, u situacijama kada čujem ono roditeljsko: "možeš da ideš, samo ako povedeš svoju mlađu sestru sa sobom"... No, to me je brzo prošlo, i onda sam jedva čekala da se tako sazrela družim sa svojom sestrom, sa njom da pričam i krijem tajne od mame i tate. Ali, đavola! Sada je došao njen pubertet i ona nije htela da ide bilo gde sa svojom starijom sestrom. Imala je svoje priče, svoje tajne i svoje faze. 

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In my puberty sometimes I was forgetting about that, in the situations when my parents were like: "Ok, you can go, but only if you bring your younger sister with you".. Anyway, I got over that fastly, and than I couldn`t wait to hang out with my sister matured like that, to talk with her and to hide our secrets form Mom and Dad. But, no! Now her puberty came and now she was the one who didn`t want to hang out with her older sister. She got her own stories, her secrets and her phases.

No, ja sam strpljivo čekala da izađe iz te svoje faze, i od tada uspešno održavam svesnost da je imati sestru najveće blago koje neko može imati. Barem, dok ne dobiješ svoje dete :)

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Anyway, I was patiently waiting for her to get out of that phase, and from than on I`m constantly aware of the fact that having a sister is the greatest treasure that one can have. At least until you have your own child :)

Čudno je to kako neko ko je po mnogim stvarima dijametralno različit od tebe, može toliko da ti bude blizak i da te razume i poznaje kao nijedna drugarica koju si sama birala.

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It`s funny how someone who is so different from you, can be so close to you, know you and understand you like no other friend you have chosen for yourself.

Prošlo je dosta vremena, sa svim svojim fazama, a ja i dalje mogu reći da je moja sestra i moja najbolja drugarica. Znam tačno kada da je pustim jer želi da bude sama, a kada da zovem malo više jer je možda usamljena. I ona isto tako. Iako ponekad jedna radi stvari koje druga nikada ne bi, obe znamo da poštujemo naše različitosti i ne osuđujemo se.

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It`s been a long time now, with all its phases, and I could still easily say that my sister is my best friend. I know exactly when to let her be by herself, and when to call her a bit more often because she maybe feels lonely. She does that also. Even though sometimes one is doing things the other one would maybe never do, we both know how to respect our differences and not to judge one another.

Moja sestra se nedavno udala, i polako zasniva svoju porodicu. Dinamika našeg odnosa se sa tim životnim promenama neminovno mora menjati, ali bliskost i povezanost ostaju, i niko ih ne može uništiti.

Volim te, Dando!

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My sister has recently got married, and she`s slowly making her own primary family. The dynamics of our relatioship inevitably is changing because of that, but our closeness and bond are staying, and no one can destroy them.

I love you, Dando!

MTV in its golden era!

Month number 9, Task 4

Dok ne sastavim nastavak prethodnog posta, palo mi je na pamet još nešto što je bilo sastavni deo mog detinjstva. A to je MTV! Ne "Rihanna-Britney-Whistle baby MTV", već onaj iz kraja 80ih, početka 90ih. Onaj MTV, koji je bio meka dobre muzike i merilo kvaliteta! 

Dobila sam od druga ova dva videa, i baš sam se raznežila kad sam se prisetila svih tih voditelja i emisija:

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Until I write the part 2 of my previous post, I remembered something else that was inevitable part of my childhood. And it`s MTV! Not "Rihanna-Britney-Whistle baby MTV", but the one from the end of the 80s, start of the 90s. The MTV which was mecca of good music and measure of quality!

I got these two videos from my friend, and I got all emotional when I remembered all the VJs and the shows:

VJ je tada bilo prestižno zvanje, i samo odabrani su bili dorasli toj ulozi. I naravno - postojao je samo jedan MTV za celu Evropu, ali sa pažljivo "multikulturalno" odabranim licima. 

Sećam se da su mi u osnovnoj školi zvonili drugari da izađem da se sa njima igram, a ja sam nekad morala da odbijem, jer je krenula emisija Hit list UK. Jer, ne saznati ko je te nedelje na prvom mestu, bilo je ravno katastrofi...

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VJ was a prestigious occupation back then, and only a selected few were up for that role. And of course - there was only one MTV for the whole Europe, but with carefully selected multicultural faces.

I remember my friends ringing me to go out and play back in the elementary school days, and me rejecting them sometimes because on TV was Hit list UK. And not to find out who is on the 1st place that week, would be equal to catastrophe...

Ako želiš da se prisetiš nekih lepih hitova iz prošlosti, tu je bio Paul King:

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If you want to remember some good hits from the past, there was Paul King:

... a ako želiš da se lepo nasmeješ i da vidiš najnovije nastupe i gostovanja, zna se - Ray Cokes:

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... and if you want to take a good laugh and to see the hottest live acts and talks, it`s definitely for - Ray Cokes.

Za marku Braun sam prvi put čula preko MTV European Braun top 20. Takođe, i prve party hitove sam čula uz ludu Simone i emisiju Party zone, a ništa manja mi nije bila ljubav ni prema alternativnoj/indie muzici iz 120 minutes i Alternativne nation.

Pa onda moliš Boga da ne pada sneg ili kiša na satelitsku antenu, jer će pokvariti signal dok je na TVu tvoja omiljena voditeljka:

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For BRAUN trademark I heard for the first time through MTV European Braun top 20. Also, my first party hits I heard from the crazy Simone in MTV Party zone show, and nothing less was my love for alternative/indie music in the shows 120 minutes and Alternative nation.

And then I prayed God not to give us snow or rain, because it will fall on the satellite dish and it will ruin the signal, while I`m watching my favourite VJ:

Da li ste vi voleli MTV? ////////////// Did you like MTV?

Boogieman, children thieves and others from that gang ///////// Babaroga, kradljivci dece i ostali iz te ekipe

Month number 9, Task 2

Skoro sam sa momkom pričala o strahovima koje smo imali kad smo bili mali. Ni jedan ni drugi nismo nikad čak ni pomislili na nešto kao npr. Babarogu. Mene nisu plašili ni priče o njoj, ni filmovi, niti zastrašivanja. 

Sećam se da je kod sestre palila on klasična priča o ljudima koji idu ulicom i koji kradu malu decu ako neće da jedu. I ti ljudi su uvek bili neki "cigani"?! (Diskriminacija od ranih nogu or what?!) Elem, ja čak ni posle tih priča nisam htela da jedem. Hranu meni uterati u usta, bio je baš izazov :)

Momak kaže da se bojao nekakvog čudovišta za koje je verovao da živi u njegovom podrumu. Nije to bila Babaroga, niti je uopšte mogao da objasni njegov izgled, već samo osećaj da tu živi i da čeka samo njega. I pokušavao je on da odstrani taj strah, ali svaki put kada je izlazio napolje, bacio bi pogled na podrum i osećao kao da ga posmatra. Ili da samo njega čeka. I tako se moj junak hrabrio i hrabrio da se suoči sa njim, jer je video da od čekanja nema vajde. Skupi on hrabrost jedan dan, stisne dupe i otrči u podrum. Kad je otvorio vrata, viknuo je na sav glas: "Šta je? Ajdeee.. Ne možeš mi ništaaaaa." Mali on, sa 5-6 godina. A kaže da bi baš bila fora da je tada tu bio jedan lokalni čovek- lutalica, koji je običavao da ulazi u tuđe podrume da se ugreje... (I ako iz ovoga prethodnog niste zaključili da je moj moma još od malih nogu bio jedan neustrašivi i proaktivan deran, onda... pročitajte još jednom, ali pažljivije... :) ).

A ja sam imala ovaj strah: bila sam ubeđena da mene i sestru neko gleda noću dok spavamo. Inače smo živeli na prvom spratu, jedno 15m iznad zemlje, gde je bilo nemoguće da neko stoji na merdevinama i gleda nas kroz prozor, kao što sam ja zamišljala. I tako taj "neko" gleda kroz prozor, i ako vidi da se neka od nas dve pomera dok spava, shvatiće da tu nekog ima, ući će i... Taj sledeći deo nisam ni razradila, ali dovoljno je strašno bilo da neki stranac upadne u moju sobu. Zbog svega toga nikako nisam mogla da zaspim, ali sam se terala da se ne pomeram, jer "ne sme da vidi da tu nekoga ima". A znate ono kada razmišljate o tome kako da se namestite u krevetu, pa vam onda k'o za inat svaka poza dođe nezgodna. I baš morate da se okrenete! Pa onda ja kažem sebi da brojim do 10, pa ću se naglo okrenuti i suočiti sa tim da li nekoga ima na prozoru. 1, 2, 3... 10.. ajde još jednom... 1, 2, 3... 10... ajde sad do 20... I tako neko vreme, dok ne presečem i naglo pogledam u prozor. Kada se uverim da nema nikoga, sa dubokim izdahom se bacim nazad u krevet, i zaspim otprilike kao Mr Bean kad je brojao ovce :)

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Recently I was talking with my BF about the fears we had when we were little. None of us had feared from eg. famous Boogieman. I wasn`t scared of the stories about it, neither the movies, neither the intimidation of others with this creature.

I remember that my sister was afraid of the stories about the people who are wandering round the streets and are stealing little children who don`t eat. And those people were always the gypsies?! (Discrimination from the early ages or what?) Btw, even after those stories, I didn`t want to eat. To put food into my mouth was a proper mission :)

My BF says that he was afraid of some kind of a creature which was living in his basement. It wasn`t a Boogieman, and he couldn1t even explain the way he looks, but just the feeling that somebody is living there and is waiting just for him. And he was trying to get rid of that fear, but every time when he was going out, he looked at the basement, and he always felt as if someone is watching him. And as if someone is waiting only for him in that basement. And so my hero was encouraging himself from day to day, cause he realized that there`s no use of waiting. So, he caught a strength one day, and went straight to the basement.  He opened the door, and screamed from the top of his lungs: " Whaaaat?! Come oooon. What are you waiiiitiiiing foooor? I`m heeeereeee!" Little him, of 5-6 age. And he says that it would be interesting that one local vagabundo was there, who had a habit to go into people`a basements to warm himself... (And if you haven`t noticed from the previous mentioned what a fearless and proactive lad my BF is, then... Read again, more carefully :) ).

And I had this fear:  I was convinced that somebody is watching me and my sister while we are sleeping. Btw, we were living on the 1st floor, at least 15 above the ground, and it wasn`t possible at all that somebody could climb the ladder and watch us through the window, as I believed. Anyway, that "someone" is watching through the window, and if some of us two moves, he`ll notice that someone is in there, and he will.. Well, I didn`t work on that one, but it was enough fearful that some stranger could come into my room. And from all that I couldn`t fall asleep, but I was forcing myself not to move, because he`ll notice that somebody is in there. And you know that moment when you just can`t find the right position in the bed, and exactly then you must toss and turn all the time. Then I say to myself to count to 10, and then to turn around quickly and look at the window, whether somebody is there or not. 1, 2, 3... 10.. another turn... 1, 2, 3... 10.. now count to 20.. And I was doing like that for a while, until I suddenly cope, get up and look at the window When I`m convinced that there`s nobody there, with a deep exhale I fall back into bed, and fall asleep like Mr Bean when he was counting sheep :)

Sestra i ja smo imale neki strah da smo nezaštićene ako m i t zatvore vrata od naše sobe dok spavamo. Godinama smo spavale sa otvorenim vratima od naše i njihove sobe, dok je njihovo hrkanje otprilike bio mio zvuk, koji je ukazivao da su tu i da nam niko ne može ništa. Takav "mili zvuk" je baš pravi dokaz da je sve u našim glavama, ha?

Naravoučenije cele priče:

Ako neko pored vas hrče, vi zamišljajte kako je to znak da vam pored njega ne može niko ništa, i lakše ćete zaspati :)

PS - Čega ste se vi plašili?

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Sister and me had a fear that we were unprotected when Mom and Dad were closing the door of our room, while we were sleeping. For years we were sleeping with both our and their doors closed, while their snoring was like a sweet sound that was a sign that they were there and that nobody can do us no harm. That kind of  "sweet sound" is a proof that everything is in our heads, right?

The main conclusion of the whole story:

If somebody next to you is snoring, you imagine that it`s a sign that nobody can do you no harm, and you`ll fall asleep more easily :)

PS - What were your fears?

Mom, can I stay five more minutes? Pleeeeeeease!!!

Month number 9, Task 1

Koliko smo samo puta ponovili ovu rečenicu kad smo bili mali... Pao je mrak, treba se na unutra - još samo 5 minuta. U gostima smo porodično, ja se zaigrala sa drugaricom, a vreme je da se ide kući - još samo 5 minuta. Vreme je za spavanje, a ja se opet zaigrala - još samo 5 minuta. Pa onda ne možeš da dočekaš da se probudiš, kako bi nastavio sa igrom.  

Ranije su se svi igrali napolju. Lastiš, Vije, Žmurke, Janjine, Klikeranje, Care care gospodare, Između dve vatre, Ide maca oko tebe... Pa još kad nam se priključi neko od starijih u npr. Između dve vatre, i onda se takmičimo ko će u "jači tim". A i kad se biraju timovi, pa moliš Boga da ne ostaneš među poslednjima, jer ćeš se baš rastužiti i osećati neželjenim.

Pa kada zapneš i padneš i PONOVO dobiješ krastu. Možda ti automatski i krene suza, ali ti odmah ustaješ i nastavljaš dalje, jer ti u glavi odzvanja ono mamino utešno "Ma, nije to ništa. Deca i trebaju da padaju. Zarašće ti..." I hoće! I trebaju da padaju deca. Ustaće i nastaviće dalje! I iz svog iskustva će naučiti kako sledeći put da pažljivije trče, a ne iz nekih tuđih priča. 

Kao što rekoh, ranije smo se puno igrali napolju. Ali, meni nikada nije bilo dosadno ni unutra, samoj sa sobom. Naravno, kompjuter tada nije ni postojao. Divan dan je bio kada sam dobila mali kasetofon, pa sam mogla da puštam kasete i pravim koreografije, zamišljajući da sam na koncertu. A kada budem kažnjena pa ne smem napolje, nije ni to problem. U nedostatku drugarica, razapeću lastiš na dve stolice i one će mi zameniti ostale saigrače. Onda je tu faza kada već hoću da se igram mame ili učiteljice sa mlađom sestrom. Naravno, ja sam učiteljica, a ona đak. Pa sve na kućnoj tabli zadajem zadatke, a ona se pita kada ćemo završiti sa tom dosadnom igrom.

Pa onda dođu rođendani... Joooj, koliko mogućnosti. Ogovaranje, televizija, kompjuter - šta je to? Neeee.. Ima toliko igrica. Masne fote, Zanimljiva geografija, Ne ljuti se čoveče, Monopol, igranje Lambade ili šta je već u koje veme bilo popularno. Još kada su pre toga roditelji slavljenika pripremili tombolu, pa ti još na tuđem rođendanu dobiješ poklon!!

A danas? Kakvo je detinjstvo današnje dece? Poznajem nekoliko mladih majki koje gotovo svaki dan peru pod, brišu prašinu i sl., jer nije higijenski zbog deteta!!! I to Domestosom! A napolje dete ne ide baš puno, da se ne bi prehladilo. Da budem iskrena, ni nema sa kim tamo da se druži, jer je prazno. I tako se onda pitaju zašto su deca danas toliko bolešljiva. Pa možda zato što nemaju prilike gde i kako da postanu otporna na bakterije?! A ne d`o Bog da dete negde pokupi krastu! Iju, umreće!

O kompjuterima, Pink kulturi, celovečernjim izlascima već u osnovnoj školi, neću ni da pričam... No, da ne bih sada iz nostalgije previše počela da kritikujem današnje detinjstvo, bolje da vam na pozitivan način podstaknem nostalgiju.. 

Ovako smo se mi igrali:

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*Note: I don`t know if people from outside the Balkans are acquainted with all the children games from the photos below, but I`ll be happy to explain them to the ones interested. And to hear about the games you were playing when you were young...

How many time did we repeat this sentence from the subject when we were young... It`s getting dark, I should get inside - 5 more minutes. With my parents I`m at their friends` house, I`m playing with other children, but it`s time to get home - 5 more minutes. It`s time for bed, but I want to play a little bit more - 5 more minutes. And then you can`t wait to get up, to continue with playing.

When we were young, the children were outside all the time. Hide and seek, Marbles, French skipping and other outdoor games. And when someone older join us, and then you compete to be in his/her team. And when teams are being  made, and you pray to the Lord to be picked by someone, and not to stay among the last ones, because you`ll feel rejected and not wanted.

And when you stumble and fall, and you get a scrape AGAIN. Maybe automatically a tear goes down, but you are getting up and continuing, because in your head you have a mother`s conforting "It`s nothing serious. Childen fall very often and get scrapes. It will heal!" And it will. Children should fall and get scrapes. They`ll get up and go on. And they will learn from their own experience how to run more carefully, and not just from the stories of the adult.

As I`ve said, we were playing outdoors a lot. However, I was not bored when I was in the house, all by myself. Of course, the computer didn`t exist back then. A lovely day was when I got a cassette player, so I could play all my favourite artists and make coreographies, as if I was at the concert stage. And when I was grounded and was forbidden to go out, it`s not a problem. Instead of other players in French skipping, I`ll use two chairs and put french elastics around them. Then comes the phase of playing moms and daughters, or teachers, with a younger sister. Of course, I`m a teacher. And while I`m giving the assignments on the chalkboard, the sister`s wondering: when does this boring game end?

And then came the birthday parties. Computers, television, gossiping - what`s that? Nooo.. There were so many games that we could played. Spin the bottle, Monopolly, dancing Lambada or what else music was popular then. And when parents of the birthday child had prepared a bingo for the party, so you get a present on somebody else`s birthday!! Could it get any better?

And today? What is the childhood like today? I know so many young mothers who are dusting and cleaning floors every day, because otherwise it`s not hygienic for the child. They do that with Domestos or something like that, every day! And the child is not going outside very much, so that it doesn`t catch a cold. To be honest, even if the child is getting out, it wouldn`t have anyone to play with. And then they are wondering why the children of today are so weak and sick all the time. Maybe because they don`t have the opportunity to get adapted to all the bacteria. And God forbid if they het a scrape sometimes. Oh my God, they could die!

Of computers, Pink television (national kitch television) and culture, going out for the whole night at the age of 12/13, I don`t even want to start talking.. So, in order not to get to too critical from all the nostalgy, lets insent that nostalgy with something positive.

This is how we were playing:

Sve preuzeto sa Dobra stara vremena

Top 5 memories from my childhood

Month number 8, Task 4

1. Uveliko je prošlo 9h, sestra i ja smo u krevetu. Meni se ne spava, ona bi po obicaju i mogla. Mama i tata gledaju tv u dnevnoj sobi, a i ja bih. Ustajem, sestra me naravno prati iza, i dolazim do trpezarijskog stola i stolica, pa se tu nas dve sakrivamo i kikoćemo, dok kroz stolice gledamo mamu i tatu u dnevnoj sobi. Tu smo, a oni ni ne znaju. Jaoj, kako smo pametne... Tata kaže mami "Radice, ova naša deca spavaju, ha?" A mi se još glasnije zakikoćemo, misleći "kako smo ih zeznule". Pa onda usledi najlepši trenutak večeri, kada nas tata pozove da im se ipak priključimo ispred TVa, i svi zaboravimo da je već prošlo predviđeno vreme spavanja za nas dve. 

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1. It`s already passed 9, sister and me are in bed. I`m not into sleeping, but my sister wouldn`t mind. Mom and dad are watching TV in the living room. I would like to also... I`m getting up, my sister is following me, of course. We are coming to the dining room table, and are hiding behind the chairs, giggling, while watching Mom and Dad through the chairs. We are here, and they even don`t know it. Wow, how smart are we! Dad is saying to Mom "Radice (her name), our children are sleeping, right?" And we giggle even louder, thinking "God, have we screwed them up, or what?". And then comes the best part of the night, when Dad calls us to join them in front of the TV, and we all forget that bedtime has already passed.

2. Nedelja, rano veče. Sestra i ja smo zajedno u kadi punoj vode i sapunice. Toliko smo male, da bi još jedno dete moglo da stane sa nama. Mama i tata nas kupaju. Svi nasmejani. Nas dve jer nam prija topla voda, i tu su naši roditelji zaštitnici. Mama i tata jer su dovoljno sazreli da mogu da shvate da je to jedan od najlepših i najčistijih momenata koji su doživeli.

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2. Sunday, early evening. Sister and me are in the bathtub, full of water and soap. We are so small, that one more child could fit with us. Mom and Dad are bathing us. Everybody is smiling. The two of us because we like warm water, and our parents protectors are here. Mom and Dad because they are mature enough to realize that this is one of the most precious moments they have ever experienced.

3. Ponoć je prošla, ja bih uveliko trebala da spavam kao i svi moji ukućani. Za par sati ustajemo i krećemo na letovanje u Grčku. Ma ko će sad spavati od ovog uzbuđenja?! Jel znate vi kakva sve uživanja mene čekaju u narednih 10 dana? Kupaću se, ješću giros, sladoled sa iznenađenje igračkicom na dnu kutije, igraću Pacmana u igraonici, i mama i tata će mi kupovati kojekakve đinđuve. A možda dobijem i neke sandalice od svih onih koje uporno probavam u svakoj prodavnici na šetalištu. Bože, ima li veće sreće?!

4. Putujemo na more našim Yugom. Ja ni ne znam da postoje bolja kola, a i šta će nam. Dovoljno su velika da nas dve legnemo jedna pored druge pozadi, i da satima spavamo kao da smo u svom krevetu. Ja nisam ni svesna da ću jednog dana biti veliki protivnik pušenja. Ono što znam je da me prožmu sva najlepša osećanja sveta kada me probudi blagi dim maminih najslabijih cigareta, jer svaki put kada sam prethodnih godina to osećala, posle su usledili dani uživanja na moru. Meni je samo ta veza dovoljna, ja ne znam za dalje analize.

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3. It`s already passed midnight, and I should be sleeping like the rest of my family. In a few hours we are getting up and heading of to Greece. Who could sleep now from all this excitement? Do you know what kind of different enjoyments are waiting for me? I`ll be swimming, eating gyros, icecream with the surprise toy, I`ll play Pacman, and Mom and Dad will be buying all kind of jewelry, small toys and other similar things. And maybe I`ll get some sandals, of the many I`ll be trying in every shop and the main pedestrian walkway. God, is there any bigger happiness?!

4. We are travelling by our Yugo. I don`t even know that there`s bigger and better car, and why should I. It`s big enough for both of my sister and me to lay down in the back, and to sleep for hours as if we were in our own bed. I`m not even aware that one day I`ll be so much against smoking. The thing I know is that all kinds of beautiful emotions runs through me when I`m woken up by Mom`s light smoke of the cigarette, because every time I felt that in the previous years, some good days of enjoyment would come. That connection is enough for me, I don`t know about any further analysis.

5. Raspust je, već par dana sam kod babe na selu. Bunim se što moramo da idemo kod babe, ali sam svesna da kad već odem tamo ja u stvari uživam. Baba stalno predlaže sa kim bi mogla da me upozna, da se igramo, ali ja neću. Ne zato što nisam društvena, nego zato što mi je ovako lepo. Ne mogu da ustanem ujutru od svežeg vazduha, tišine i utopljenosti  u veliki perjani jastuk. Kad ustanem, ne znam koju pre želju za hranu baba da mi ispuni. Pa mi onda malo i bude žao što nisam neka "ješna", jer bi baba vola da peče, a ja bih samo mekanu kiflu sa domaćim sirom i paradajzom, savijaču, ili makarone pržene na masti, pa onda pomešane sa domaćim sirom. Eventualno i palačinke, pa onda ukrug. Da li ću onda da gledam tv, ili da igram lastiš, ili da pravim koreografije uz muziku? Šta pre?! Dok baba ne dođe sa sledećim pitanjima za hranu i kolače, i sa punom šakom sitniša, da odem u prodavnicu i kupim neki slatkiš.. Ili greb-greb srećkicu usput.

Imala sam baš divno detinjstvo....

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5. It`s school holiday, and for a few days already I`m at my grandmas`, in the countryside. I`m protesting every time when we have to go, but I`m also aware that every time when I go there, I enjoy myself. Grandma is constantly suggesting to whom she could introduce me to play with, but I don`t want to. Not because I`m not sociabile, but because I like it this way. In the morning I can`t wake up from all the fresh air, silence and my drowning in the big feather pillow. When I get up, my grandma don`t know which of my meal wishes to realize for me. And then sometimes I feel sorry for not being that much of a big food lover, because she would like to roast a veal for me and such, and I would only like a soft  roll with homemade cheese and tomato, or some homemade pastery, or mac fryed on fat, and then mixed with homemade cheese. Maybe even pancakes, and that`s it. So, will I watch TV afterwards, or make dance coreographies to music or play come children games? What first?! Until grandma comes with questions about next meals, cakes and cookies. And with hand full of coins for me to go to the store and buy candies, and maybe a lottery ticket on the way..

I had the best childhood...

Of crying... ///// O plakanju

Month number 6, Task 2

Plakanje je nešto o čemu ljudi često ne vole da pričaju. Kao sramota, kao slabost, kao neko zabranjeno voće. Ljudi baš komplikuju. Zaobilaze teme o plakanju, trude se da ga ne konzumiraju, a ne shvataju da je to jedini lek koji je besplatan, koji je dostupan skoro svima, a koji takođe pomaže u redukciji stresa, i u većini slučajeva čini da se osećamo mnoooogo bolje. Po meni, plakanje možda nije neki revolucionarni lek, ali je definitivno nešto što treba konzumirati „on regular basis“.  

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Crying is something about which people very often don`t like to talk. As a shame, weakness, as forbidden fruit. People really complicate things. They avoid topics about crying, trying not to consume it, but they don`t comprehend that it`s the only drug which is free, which is available almost to everyone, and which is also very useful in stress reduction, and in most of cases it makes us feel waaaaay better. For me, crying is maybe not some revolutionary drug, but it`s definitely something which is good to consume, on "regular basis".

 

Sećam se druga iz osnovne škole koji je vikendima pokušavao da nauči da plače, ne bi li malo smanjio emotivni teret koji je nosio zbog neuzvraćene ljubavi. Toliko je to želeo, ali mu je nešto slabo išlo. Bio je sladak svakog ponedeljka sa izveštajima o napretku u savladavanju ove „veštine“: „Saška, kao da mi je malo krenula suza. Majke mi!... Ovaj put kao da je bila tu.... Napinjao sam se, ali nikako da krene...“ I onda je meni nekako bilo žao njega. Što pokušava da savlada nešto što meni kao da je samo po sebi dato. Ne znam kako se tada nisam setila da mu ponudim luk da mu pomogne da krene :)

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I remember my male friend from high school who was trying to learn how to cry on weekends, so that he could release the emotional burden he was having from not returned love. He wanted that so much, but he just couldn`t make it. He was so sweet every Monday with his reports about the progress he was making in mastering of this "skill": "Saska, as if one tear almost dropped. Honestly... This time as it was there.. I tried sooo much, but tears wouldn`t start falling..." And then I kind of felt sorry for him. Because he was trying so hard to master something that for me was given by birth. I don`t know why then I didn`t suggest him using an onion to start him crying :)

Onaj osećaj kada stvarno osećaš rasterećenje posle plakanja. Ili barem neku blagu apatiju, što je ponekad bolje od besa ili povređenosti zbog kojih si i počeo da plačeš. Neprocenjivo.

Ja, na primer, plačem stalno. Kada gledam tužan film, zato što se rastužim. Kada gledam film sa lepim scenama, zato što sam srećna i raznežena. Kada sam nezadovoljna ili razočarana nekim postupkom momka, ali i u situacijama kada me preplavi ogromna ljubav prema njemu, pa reči i dela nisu dovoljna da mu dočaram tu silinu emocija. Ja onda zaplačem. Krenu mi suze kada vidim malu bebu, bilo uživo, bilo na reklami na tv-u. Kako da ostanem ravnodušna kad je tako nevina i čista?! Kada prisustvujem onom DA na svadbama, pa kako da mi ne krenu suze? To je tako romantično i dragoceno. Pa još kada je mlada neko ko je tebi blizak, a ti je ugledaš tako lepu i nevinu u venčanici... Ajde opet da pustim koju suzu... A kada mi dođu ženski dani, joj, joj.. Suza suzu stiže. Pa u pauzama plakanja malo (bez razloga) podviknem, pa se onda još više rasplačem, jer mislim da počinjem da ludim.

A zanimljivo je to da to uglavnom radim kada sam sama, kao svoj neki tajni katarzični ritual. Doduše i pred momkom, pa me onda on teši i mazi, a ja tek onda „odradim“ plakanje do kraja. Mislim da me moji prijatelji gotovo nikada nisu videli kako plačem, te će im možda ovaj ceo elaborat zvučati čudno.

A muškarci i plakanje? Sećam se da mi je ranije nešto najgore bilo da vidim muškarca kako plače. Ne da sam to videla kao njegovu slabost, već sam se ja osećala kao najjadnije stvorenje na svetu, misleći „ako je on sad zaplakao, to znači da nešto jaaaako nije u redu sa nama, i da JA pod hitno nešto moram da promenim“. Međutim, kako je vreme prolazilo, postajalo mi je sve uobičajenije da i muškarac pusti koju suzu, i sada mi to deluje kao sasvim normalna stvar. Ili su to naši Balkanci malo popustili kočnice? :)

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The feeling when you feel that relief after crying. Or at least the apathy, which is sometimes better than anger or hurt, because of which you started crying at first place. Priceless.

Me, for example, I cry all the time. When I watch a sad movie, because it makes me sad. When the movie is with happy scenes, because I`m happy and all positively emotional. When I`m not satisfied, or am dissappointed with some boyfriends action, as well as in the situations when I`m overwhelmed with the love for him, and the words and actions are not enough to show that to him. I cry then too. Tears go down my cheek when I see a little baby, whether live or on tv. How can I stay indifferent when it`s so innocent and sweet?! When I witness that YES at weddings, how can I not cope with tears?! It`s so romantic and valuable. And when a bride is someone who is close to you, and you see her all innocent and beautiful in the gown... Let`s shed some tears again. And when I`m in those women days, auch, auch.. Tears are running one after another.. And in pauses of crying sometimes I yell (without any reason). Then I cry even harder, because I`m afraid that I`m going mad..

Interesting thing is that I do all that when I`m alone, as kind of my catharsic ritual. To be honest, I do that in front of my boyfriend also, and then he is hugging me, cuddling me, which helps me "do" the crying until the end. I think my friends have never see me cry, and maybe they would find this elaborate strange.

And what about men and crying? I remember that before, for me there was nothing worse than to see a man crying. Not because I thought it was his weakness, but because in that moment I was feeling as one of the most useless creatures in the world, thinking "if he is crying, there must be something really wrong with us, and that I`m the one who has to change something, because I have to be the one who has screwed something up". However, by time it was getting pretty normal to me that men can easily shed a tear from time to time. Or is it that our Balkan boys have released some breaks :)

A kada neko zaplače jer mu je teško, pa dođe neko pametan sa rečenicama „nemoj plakati... ajde prestani.. i sl..“? Uvek me je to nerviralo. Ja sam zato svoje bližnje uvek podsticala da nastave i završe to plakanje, uz rečenice „nije sramota, biće ti lakše!“. I ponudila im svoje rame ;)

Eto tako. To su bila moja razmišljanja o tabu temi zvanoj plakanje. Neću vam sad baš reći „odoh da plačem“, jer sam u nekom skroz drugom moodu. Ali, ako vi osećate potrebu za tim, slobodno se istresite. Imate moju podršku i ne zaboravite:

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And when someone cries because he`s feeling bad, and then someone clever approaches him with words like " nooo, don`t cry.. stop crying, it`s not good..."? I`ve always hated that and was always motivating people close to me to finish that crying, by saying "it`s not a shame, you `ll feel better". And was offering them my shoulder to cry on it :)

And that`s it. These were my ramblings about tabboo topic called crying. Now I won`t exactly say "I`m off to cry", because I`m in a completely different mood at the moment. But if you feel a need for that, feel free to whip it out from yourself. You have my full support. And don`t forget: